My Children,

These entries are from Me, do not doubt this, or wonder. It is not often I speak in words to my children, but I do this from time to time. Your experience of My love is what is important to Me here and now.

It is not for everyone to hear My voice in this way, but I have chosen this one to do this task for me. I want to be heard, and there are many many voices you are listening to, that tell you things about Me that are not true.

I am not to be feared--when you fear me, you have stopped our communion, and our time together comes to nothing. Be not afraid. I have asked for your love in return to My own. That is all.

This is something everyone can give. Each one, has this tiny seed of love that is made ready to give away. Giving it back to Me, the one who gave it in the first place, will only return to you more and more love. Whatever you give from your heart to Me, I return back to you, in the form of what you need. Nothing is lost that is given to Me. I return double and triple every gift.

You children, must find ways to give the gifts I have given you, back to me, for it is in giving to Me, that you yourself feel given to. Just as when you give any gift to anyone from your heart. Except multiplied and amplified.

Children,

The scenery outside your window, the gorgeous view of the mountains outside--the tender feelings you have for your loved ones, and your kittens and your dog. These are merely replicas of the love that I have for you. They are just shadows of My great love.

You children have been given much. And still I have so much more to give you.

Come forward to meet me, as I am already on my way to you.

You are my beloved child, a child I want to know deeply and care for daily.

Leave all that you have gathered to yourself--all that binds you-- behind. I can take these heavy burdens from you, forgive you, and free you.

But most of all, I am here to love you. I am here to call you to My great Love.

Put down your heavy burdens, and instead, feel my Tender touch, and the weight lifting off of your tired shoulders now.

There is no reason to wait any longer. I am here.

Waiting for you.

Dearest children,

The love you feel in your hearts is Mine, it is my gift. Do you believe this? Do you also believe that not only are you NOT alone, but also, that My hand is guiding you everywhere you go?

This comes as a shock to some who are not yet sure of Me and My role and ways in their life. You who are unsure, know this: I am very real and very near to you.
You are my very own. I made you.

So inside your quietest moment, I am asking you, in that time of quiet and surrender, allow Me to become more to you, than I am right now.

Allow my entrance into your heart and I will show you things you have not known before.

This I promise.

The Molding

The clay really has no say, does it?

Just His hand, scraping off the excess,
whenever what He is creating in me, doesn't match what is already there.

Then there is the creativity of His hand,
shaping my contours into something even more beautiful than before.
all the while, tears stream down my face inside
until He releases His hand,
giving me a break
from His disciplining touch.

Then, gratitude.

Death and dying

There is so much more to this world, than being alive.

Death has its place here too, and so does dying.

Just being alive is over rated. It is the dying part, that makes us truly alive.

It is the dying part, and the death, that shows our true colors inside, and the brightest colors outside.

We begin to live, in living color.

More on the enemy

Psalm 118:13,14 "You pushed me violently that I might fall, but the Lord helped me, He is my strength, my song, and has become my salvation."

It is so easy to blame God. We think that blame must fall on someone, somewhere. There certainly can be no good reason for all of this pain and suffering.
But there is.

My pain and suffering has been so intense of late, with no way to stabilize or find Peace. No way to pray. No way out.

The only way out, was through. I, instead, was turning away from, every chance I got. I just wanted to run. Really fast. Away. And the pain stood its ground. And it seemed that everything in my life had stopped.

I was angry too. Angry at what? Everything. It had no focus, included anything in range.

Angry at the standstill, no, the standoff I was in, with myself, with God.
Angry at having to go through one more day like this.

And then something happened that began the shift forward again.
S L O W L Y

I was obedient ONE MORE TIME.

And it was THE time. And the anger broke, and hope rushed in.

Psalm 17: 7 " You save those who trust in you from those who rise up against them."

It is amazing to me to know that God is real and alive now, and can save now from any enemy that comes near. And there are so many--I don't think we realize how many enemies we are fighting day in and day out. Truly we are "war weary" on the battle front that is our life.

The list is endless, but some of our enemies are :

exhaustion
anger
fear
pride, arrogance
sadness, depression
low self worth
in our own thoughts
in our own families

An enemy is anything that takes our minds off of God and His peace for us. Anything that creates a disturbance within us. How often does this happen?

Everything happens to us and in us to a purpose --His purpose when we are His. Everything we think and say has a consequence and an effect. When He is controlling our lives, He gives us His supernatural control over our reactions and our thoughts.

He becomes our ability to control ourselves, to master ourselves, because He is our Master. Because I have chosen Him, and He has chosen me, I have access to His power over the enemies in my life. Ultimately His cross killed every enemy I have ever faced already, and every one I ever will face.

It is only a day to day battle now, for me to win--to Master my self.

My love for Him is the glue that keeps us together, just like in a marriage or any close relationship based on love. My love for Him, and His for me is always my default motivator--the reason why I stay near to Him, daily, hourly, yearly. Yours may be something else.

My choice is to believe. And this I must do over and over again, each day, as I face each enemy.
There are things I must remember today to help me over the hurdles of fear and unbelief. They are:

I have given myself to Him to do as He pleases with --and I am willing to surrender all again now.

I have been forgiven in the grand scheme of things, and as I ask for forgiveness now because of my unbelief, I am forgiven anew.

I have committed myself to do His will, no matter what the cost--because I know that at the root of all, my will is His will. We are on the same team. He has my best interests and the desires of my heart, at the center of His will. In times of stagnation, I recommit myself and all that I have and all that I am to Him --asking for renewed desire to follow Him into the hard places.

There are many desires of my heart that He seems to have taken from me or delayed in some way. This is false. He wants me to obey Him, and in being obedient to His will each and every moment, I will stumble across all that I have been waiting for. In His time.

I want more. . . . and that very desire is the assurance that He will answer. Because He placed it there Himself.

Decision Making in Him

There are so many decisions to make all day long, and each one is important. The journey that we are on is layered many layers deep, and even one decision can take us in an entirely new direction, changing everything.

Stopping to listen, to really listen to our heart, at each intersection is key. An intersection can be anything that changes our direction. It really is that old adage: "look before you leap." Except it redefines "leap" to be "getting up in the morning", or deciding "where" to eat breakfast, or "when." It can literally be any movement at all. It is very easy to be distracted by our own desires, and/or someone else's too. When we think every action we take doesn't really matter, we need to think again. The goal is to live in Him, giving Him the reins to live and love and "be" through us all the time. This is possible because of the Holy Spirit that He has sent to us--God in us and for us. Our teacher, and actually our all, if we will allow Him to be.

Today's Cross


Now that I'm more comfortable in food and housing (housing--weeell) my will is not so pliant and soft in His hands; I don't NEED . . . . so suddenly I am allowing more distance from my beloved. . . . .

But in reality, "survival" has so many levels. And I'm at a different one today. But still "surviving"--saying "yes" to another day--another YEAR here, feels like barely breathing.

But I must make it into more-than mere breathing I must make-a real effort to live fully while here--the way He would have me live. Casting off my own will like a heavy and dark coat or-- a hair shirt. Something I'm wearing to punish myself to make my suffering more blatant=--saying "no" I will not enjoy this! This part is NOT my idea of fun.

And so really, what else is new? None of this walk has ever really been fun. It's been a hard uphill climb, emotionally, mentally and physically too. But spiritually it has been all blessed; heaven kissed. And all upward progression.

I asked for this I think. I wanted, ever since I've known Him, to become a spiritual "giant". (which means, of course, I would become the least in the kingdom and on earth too)--I wanted to be clean and whole inside--a beautiful, well heeled soul--forgiven and grateful, humble and full of His joy--and with a willing heart too---

Yet I know the outward way of suffering is the only way to these. So, I enter a new phase of suffering-- that leads to a new freedom. The chains are on--outwardly and inwardly too. Yet I must be bound so that He may free me. In every way.

Turn this life inside out and the truth falls out of the pockets like change, out of a dirty pair of jeans, headed for the washer.